We are jerks now

I used to think I was a pretty nice person. In fact, I'm quite certain I used to be a nice person, but lately something has changed. Its quite sad. I don't know if its the effects of living in a really big city, or being tired from commuting,etc. but in the last week I have found myself (and my husband for that matter) being quite rude.

Example #1: Clay and I were walking through the park close to the Eiffel tower. It was hot, and there were lots of people everywhere, some tourists, and some trying to sell things. We walked past one such man selling little eiffel tower keychains, and there is of course this unspoken agreement between Clay and I that we will not make eye contact with him or react when he tries to get our attention. We walk by him, and as usual, he starts with the "2 for a dollar, nice keychains, madame, monsieur, 2 for a dollar" or whatever they say. Only this time, all he says is "monsieur, MonSIEUR, MONSIEUR!" We don't break pace, and continue on toward our goal (the metro station at the end of the park) and even continue our conversation like Pros. After we had walked a good 40 feet past the guy, I realize he is still yelling "Monsieur!" and so I say to Clay "Why do you think he is still trying to get your attention?" and as I say it, I realize something is missing... My jacket that was draped over my purse is no longer there. I dropped it. I turn slowly around, and right next to the man who is still yelling at Clay to turn around lies my jacket. Oh man I felt like an idiot. I walk sheepishly over to the jacket, try the thank the guy, who just rolls his eyes at me and walks away, and am amazed at how big of jerks we must have come across as to this guy. Whoops.

Example #2: Possibly the same day, possibly the next... I don't remember. I am walking through the metro station with Clay, who happens to be a good 15 feet ahead of me. We are both exhausted and have one thought in mind, which is to get on the next train heading home as quickly as possible so that we can sit down and relax a little. As I head for the escalator a man steps in front of me and says "Excuse me, do you speak english?" in a cute little British accent. I didn't think twice, I simply shook my head "no" and walked right past him. The man's face turned to absolute shock (still not sure why he was so surprised) and as I walked up to Clay (waiting for me by the stairs) his face had the same look on it. "That guy probably just wanted directions" he said. And I said "well he can't expect everyone to speak english. I'm not sure why he was so surprised when I said no." Which Clay answered with "But you DO speak english." So this time, instead of thinking to myself that we must have come across to this guy as real big jerks, I realized that it wasn't just an appearance. I really am a big jerk. Shocking. I am not really sure if its a new development, or if it is something that has been part of my personality for a while, and I am just now realizing it. I have been thinking about it for the past few days actually. Pretty disturbing stuff. The worst part about it though, is that there is an

Example #3: I told Clay that I would meet him at the gare in Argenteuil (where we live) so that we could go have lunch together. I was walking quickly to get there, because I didn't want him to have to wait for me. As I got to the gare, I started down a flight of stairs, and noticed a young mother going up the stairs with her baby in its stroller. UP the stairs. As in one step at a time. She would sort of teeter totter the stroller up... if that makes sense. I saw what she was doing, and thought to myself "She could probably use some help" which was quickly followed by a second thought "that guy over there should help her" and away I went. The thing is, I know that the guy didn't help her, so I continued to think about it for the next 5 minutes while I waited for Clay (he had not yet arrived). WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? Its nuts. I don't quite understand. I am a christian, which means that I believe in following the example of Jesus Christ and serving those around me, but for some reason my actions of late have not been in agreement with my knowledge and/or faith.

I titled this post "We are jerks now" because I hate the idea of this all being about me. I like to think that Clay and I are a team, and if I'm a jerk, he's a jerk too. But its not really the case. Just FYI, he's a good one, and a really nice guy. So from now on I am going to try to follow his lead. Also, I'm gonna make sure I try to follow Jesus a little more as well. :)